In my last post, The Quest for Truth, I extended a rather bold invitation for people to embark on their own quests for truth. I wrote it to share a portion of my own journey and for those who were ready or had already begun.
Today’s post is the first in a series that I hope serves to help give us a glimpse of truth from a different angle. The burden of our own truths that we carry and its impact on those around us. We will also look at the dilemma of vulnerability in our decisions to disclose to one another. The wisdom and discernment we learn over time in the midst of our disclosures. And finally, I hope to reveal the idea that our interactions with one another are, by their very nature, a necessary alchemy that lies at the heart of transformation.
Not too long ago a Twitter friend of mine, Mike Lehr, asked me to define truth in one of our comment exchanges following a blog post he wrote on the difference between leadership and management. I found this to be an excellent question for us to consider because it seems that on the surface, many of us take for granted that we know what it really means. Most of us have this concrete sense that yes, the truth is the opposite of a lie. The sky is blue. (or is it?) 2+2=4. Yet, how many of us really know the difference between a truth and a lie?
Do YOU know the difference between a truth and a lie?
Pink Floyd so eloquently offers the same questions to us in the beginning of one of their most famous songs (and a personal favorite of mine), Wish You Were Here.
‘So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?’
- Is truth always black and white?
- Can we fit truth into tidy, convenient boxes with clearly marked labels 100% of the time?
- How do we sift out the truth from the information we are taught and told to accept without evidence or verification?
We tend to simply take some truths at face value. As an automatic given that something is true without question, as I’ve already touched on in my last post.
So before I engage in broaching the subject of truth as a burden, it may be helpful to distinguish the kinds of truth I’m not referring to in this context. I‘m not referring to what people describe as ‘absolute truth’, nor any beliefs surrounding religion, traditions, cultural, family, and otherwise patriotic beliefs derived from whatever country and family you happen to have been born and raised in. I’m referring to the truth of our individual experiences, which are highly subjective and riddled with many ‘assumptions’. However, they are still our PERSONAL ‘truth’.
I’m focusing on the basic truths of our own experiences and how they impact our own lives and those around us. Although it is true that our perspectives can be skewed and are not always accurate, what we experience in real time in the way of sensory input, thoughts, and feelings are very much our truth in the moment. Although many of us know and understand that perception is not necessarily truth, our perceptions still have an impact on our lives and those around us. Personally and professionally.
For example, in order to succeed in business, the perception of the customer means everything. If the customers aren’t happy with your products or services, their perception of your company can result in losing their business, especially if you are in denial. So whether we like it or not, perception cannot be easily ignored for very long. We must learn how to navigate the perceptions of ourselves and others if we wish to bridge the chasm in order to collaborate and serve one another.
So how does truth begin to feel like a burden?
Perhaps on the surface, it doesn’t make much sense that truth would be a burden. We’ve been told that truth is the light. It is love. It is good. It sets us free. Well, if this were true:
- Why are so many of us afraid to share our truths with one another?
- Why have so many of us spent most if not all of our lives having to hide it?
- Who or what taught us to be afraid to reveal who we really are with the ability to honestly express our personal thoughts, feelings, and perspectives?
- Who or what taught us that what we thought and felt was a problem or not important?
Based on personal experience, I would have to say that truth becomes a burden the moment we have to hide what we really think and feel from the people that matter most to us. Or from those we may have to spend a great deal of time working with. The truth becomes a burden in the moment that we are forced to hide a genuine part of ourselves because it is considered to be a problem or not acceptable to someone else.
Now in this context, I’m not referring to harmful ‘truths’ that are unleashing violence and abuse on others. However, I am in part, referring to the truth of being on the receiving end of various types of abuse and the problem with not being able to express the truth of our experiences to anyone; due to fear for our own lives, survival reasons, we may not know where to get help or who to tell. This plays a huge role as to why truth can become such a burden in our own lives and in those around us.
For now, I hope this serves as a bit of a primer that will help us be able to explore our own truths with a little more depth. I also want to emphasize that this topic is only meant to serve as an exploration that has the potential to raise our consciousness. It is not meant to be viewed through the lens of personal judgment or condemnation. However, if those feelings happen to crop up, I would advise taking on the role of an observer. Try to simply notice what you are experiencing rather than judging yourself as right, wrong, good, or bad for what you might experience.
In the next post, we will take a look at the dilemma surrounding vulnerability and disclosure. Until then, I invite you to spend some time exploring what truth means to you in the following questions.
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1. How do you personally define truth?
2. How attuned are you with the truth of your own body experiences in the present moment? (Tension, aches, cramps, pain spots, etc) Are you tuned in to what your body is experiencing right now? Your emotional feelings? Thoughts?
3. When did you first learn it wasn’t safe to tell the truth about what you think and/or feel? How did you learn to cope? How does this impact you today, personally and professionally?
4. What personal truths feel like a burden for you to carry? Why?
5. Do you have people in your life that you can share your burdens of truth with? If so, what has set these people apart from others?
6. How do you handle it when others share their truths or perspectives with you? At home? At work? In the community? What have been your challenges with this?
7. What fears are most commonly triggered within you when someone shares their truth or perspective? Are you afraid that you won’t know how to handle it? Are you afraid that they want something from you that you aren’t able or willing to give?
8. What can you do to become more aware of your own truth in the present moment? What can you do to periodically check in with yourself?
9. What do you tend to do to escape from dealing with your own truths or that of others? i.e. escape into various addictions, workaholism, exercise, etc.
10. What is the biggest burden of truth in your life right now and what are you going to do about it? What is the payoff for not doing anything about it? What is the worst thing that could happen?
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Additional Related Resources:
Heaven From Hell by Nic Askew
Why My ‘5 Around’ Group Is Important to Me and Why You Should Start One by Jesse Lyn Stoner
Samantha — This and your last post on the quest for truth are stunning examples of your clarity, passion and insightfulness. It’s as if you were born to wield this particular, very sharp samurai sword so reading these posts is like watching a very valuable demonstration of that sword’s ability. I suspect your clarity comes from a very deep place in yourself — you’ve alluded to that, and I am so looking forward to your next explorations. My own questions around truth include things like:
What’s the connection between inner truth and inner peace?
When I see my own bad faith, my own untruthfulness, how do I compassionately address that?
How do I tell the difference between honesty — especially self-honesty — and misunderstood projection or self-criticism?
What’s the link between anger and truth?
All the best and thank you for the gorgeous writings!
Thank you for taking the time to read the post and comment Dan. And how did you know I also happen to love ‘The Last Samurai’? (grins) I also tend to believe that the sharpest blade we can wield in the world is our very own ‘sword of truth’, consisting of none other then our honest thoughts and feelings in our relationships/environments/situations. Of course, there’s many elements of ‘wisdom’ and finesse that we can learn along the way to further hone our skills in the art and practice of doing it. Yet that is part of the journey as well. We start off a bit clumsily at first. Hopefully the more we practice, the better we become in doing it.
A couple of times in the past I’ve tweeted a link to a scene from The Last Samurai regarding conversations. I love it so much because it revealed the desire I have in my own life to have a safe space to converse with someone. In this case, it’s between two seemingly ‘enemies’.
Conversation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSR4S2oJ2hk
I’ve also shared here and there that if we can learn to consider every person we encounter as if they were a brand new country, it would help us shed all kinds of assumptions, judgments, stereotypes, and preconceived notions we tend to carry into these encounters. Even with the people we may have known for years.
I loved the additional questions you’ve added to this. Each one could have an entire blog post devoted to them. All of them….very insightful and requires some deep inner reflection. Great journal questions too!
Compassion is a key point in your second question. And where do we acquire or draw from this well of compassion within ourselves?
Projection in your 3rd question is HUGE. We can really begin clearing the decks when we can effectively discern the difference between our projections/assumptions and the ‘reality’ of what currently is. When we are caught in a projection or an assumption, other people have little to nothing to do with it at all. In fact, they can be downright oblivious when they find themselves being the target of blame over what they have nothing to do with! haha
Thanks again for sharing Dan. I appreciate it.
Deep, thought-provoking post, Samantha, as characteristic of your writing. Whether from a philosophical or spiritual perspective, I’d say that the kind of “truth” you’re talking about is inherently personal and subjective. That is, it really isn’t up for anyone to agree or disagree with it. It’s our own personal experience, not up for outside evaluation. It’s our own private heaven or hell. At the end of the day, we may feel better if others concur with our view of the “truth” and might even ease some of the burden you described. But, we must be able to be true to ourselves, even if the vast majority of the outside world doesn’t know what to do with our “truth.” Otherwise, not only are we not honoring ourselves, our truth, we continue to give our power away to let the outside world silence us–even if ultimately we ourselves chose the silence for fear of what might happen if we spoke up and stood up for ourselves. It’s a messy thing in some situations, such as what you pointed out. But, in the end, who bears the burden if the gag order continues? Anyway, deep subject that could be make for a dissertation for a philosophy student. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Alice. Always appreciate it when you do. : )
When it comes to some truths, the vast majority doesn’t know what to do with it. i.e. children who are abused and raped, etc. Some things are a very sticky topic and yet if people remain silent (which is one of the reasons abuse continues), we don’t raise awareness. I also believe that those of us who have broken the ‘gag order’ have a responsibility to speak the truth not only for ourselves but also to speak for those who cannot yet speak for themselves.
And the heart of this post touches something in many of us. Something that many people are faced with day in and day out, regardless of whether or not there was abuse in their family. There seems to be a chronic level of dysfunction overall when it comes to the conditioning to have to hide what we think and feel. Some are taught that it is not ok to cry and express emotion. Some are not allowed to express anger when they are violated. Some are molded and shaped to become people-pleasers and walk on eggshells in order to receive the ‘reward’ and/or avoid punishment.
Getting in touch with our own inner ‘truths’; what we really think and feel is at the heart of learning how to be assertive. It’s the balance between a passive life that has been trained or forced to give away power to others, and the aggressive who has learned they must over power others to get what they want and need in life.
Assertiveness is the place where we own our thoughts and feelings and learn what healthy boundaries are. It’s not an exact ‘science’ and something that may be clumsy to do at first yet becomes easier over time as we practice and our courage grows.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and insights, Alice. I appreciate it. : )
Wowwwwwww this awesome. Well done. Makes me think hard and focused. Well crafted
Thanks for reading and commenting Nikk. I appreciate it. I’m happy that it made you think. : )
Samantha,
This is such a wonderful post, and I am so looking forward to the following posts in the series. You present a very thought-provoking insightfulness to personal and inner truth – the kind which most of us seek, whether we know it or not.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Ryan. I’m happy to know that you are looking forward to more and that you found this useful. It was my intention and hope that it would be to more then just myself! : )
Thanks again Ryan. I appreciate it.
Had to read this after seeing the chat topic in #leadfromwithin tonight with you leading it. I am so excited for the questions. TRUTH . And I love your questions as well as your post. Will try the Q’s And I will add my love for the last Samurai
A1:
It is my perspective of the world around me, seen through my eyes and experienced through my senses. My truth is that which I have judged to be true. And in so doing I have fixed this at some point. In truth because nothing is fixed in the world perhaps truth is a word that we do not truthfully understand the meaning of.
A2:
In truth, yes but I have to be careful to remind myself of being aware sometimes. It is still easy to slip into another reality. But overall I work hard at being in tune with my body and in touch with my spirit, when I am in the flow all’s good in my world.
A3:
As a kid, felt I must be stupid or strange when I blurted the truth to friends. Learnt that in the teens most wanted to hear what they wanted to hear, not my truth, perhaps that was too fixed. So I have grown and leant that indeed the truth does set you free, for to tell the truth is to let it go. It is a pin you put in the map, a step in the ladder of life, and now you may travel freely. Personally I have found more solace in looking at what I thought was true and seeing it as a bit of space in time. I can define it, even try to manipulate it, but in the end it is still a particle and will carry on being what it may.
A4:
My burdens of truth are burdens because I carry them. Most of the time when I feel they are burdens it is because they were there from some harsh judgements. I had not stopped to listen and learn of the other possible perspectives of truth, for as I judged I judged this and set my point of perspective, I set the step. At that time it was impossible to see both the sky from the earth and from the sky. The sky was blue until I left the earth and then it was gone. So my burdens of truth are mine to burden me, or set free.
A5:
I share my burdens with people that listen without judgement as I open my heart to humanity my families, my spirit and soul. They are my conscious, they are there as I am here. They hear and can offer reflection that I may see my truth as it is, let it go and continue to climb.
A6:
. This used to be hard before I started to practice listening without judging. Today I still have much work to do to hear without judging and trying not see MY truth in the sky. I know that there is no person on the planet that does not have something to offer, and I something to learn, but it is up to me to see beyond what I judge to be true and find the knowledge within it. This is the knowledge I have within me, but have yet to see, as the cat and the tiger in your picture.
A7:
My fears perhaps are that people won’t (connect and share their truths), say what they believe to be true, and so I will not have the opportunity to learn of their perspective and grow from this. It is not until you point out the dragon in the sky that I can see it for myself. If I have never heard of this truth how can I imagine what it is until I see, feel, sense it. There is little to fear in truth, more to fear in silence, for there truth becomes lonely and grows cold. Without connection we can not see each other, without each other we cease to exist.
A8:
I practice mindfulness daily, practice listening and growing from what I have heard, in this way I feel more connected within, to myself and so more connected with humanity.
A9:
There is not escape from the truth other than leaving it behind. It is there where you planted it. Either dig it up and clean it off and set it free, or let it go. Perhaps in death all truth ceases to exist, perhaps not. But my truths are mine and mine alone. They are my beliefs, my perspectives, my colors of the world that while I might try to share with others, they will still be mine. As I share my truths here they are posted to this board, my keystrokes that make up words, that create visions and models that others will perceive differently. Even my own truth will change as I change, if I wait for some time to pass I will not type the exact same words, my truth will have changed.
A10:Biggest burden of truth at the moment is my my parents, they are old and/or sick and have (most likely), a lot less time on this planet than I.
Why is it a burden? Because I chose to think about it rather that just live in the moment. Is it right, will it affect when or how they die, no. What is the payoff for not doing anything about it, not sure there is one. The payoff is within the fact of life, that I too may only have as much time as them, and so should be living in the moment and not wondering if tomorrow they may not answer the phone. I am young, I have much to learn, but as I grow and see my truths for what they are, they become my steps to I climb and grow flourish and flower with. Worst thing that can happen is…………………… The end of the world as we know it, but then again I only know my world.
Love the post, love your tweets, love the heart you share in the world. You are a very special person, love that I know you even though I don’t know you, and that is the truth.
🙂
Simon, thank you so much for such a wonderful, honest, heartfelt reply. I loved reading every word and I’m honored that you took the time to share your answers to the questions for others to see. You modeled this beautifully! : )
Here are some highlights from your answers that really stood out for me:
A1: perhaps truth is a word that we do not truthfully understand the meaning of
Yes, as soon as I read this it reminded me that all we have is WORDS to describe what you see, feel, and experience. These have become the labels of truth and even all the objects that we have labeled, they are poor descriptors of their ‘truth’. Words are very limiting in their ability to capture the full truth or essence of a thing, person, place, or event. And since each of us have our own filters and perceptions in how we see and sense things, we do not necessarily share the same truth of something even if we might use the same words to describe it.
A2: I have to be careful to remind myself of being aware sometimes. It is still easy to slip into another reality.
Me too, Simon. As a child, I learned how to automatically ‘dissociate’ when a ‘negative’ experience would habit. I’d immediately transport myself to the world of imagination so I wasn’t fully present. Although still aware of what was happening along the periphery of my consciousness. Yet not FULLY present. This seemed to limit the impact of what I was experiencing to a certain extent. As I grew older, jumping into my ‘head’ and OUT of my own body became a very unconscious thing I would do.
A few years back I learned a simple meditation that helps me become present so I can ‘get back into my body’ when I become conscious that I’m disconnected and dwelling in my head.
A3: Personally I have found more solace in looking at what I thought was true and seeing it as a bit of space in time. I can define it, even try to manipulate it, but in the end it is still a particle and will carry on being what it may.
A4: My burdens of truth are burdens because I carry them….So my burdens of truth are mine to burden me, or set free.
I feel some deep wisdom here Simon. : )
A5: I share my burdens with people that listen without judgement as I open my heart to humanity my families, my spirit and soul. They are my conscious, they are there as I am here. They hear and can offer reflection that I may see my truth as it is, let it go and continue to climb.
Listening without judgment is so key. We all need at least one person who can do that in our lives.
A6: Today I still have much work to do to hear without judging and trying not see MY truth in the sky.
I share in your struggle with this Simon. I find it to be most challenging when I’m caught off guard in being ‘triggered’. There’s no way I can anticipate how information will impact me so my work at that point is to be consciously aware to shift to acceptance that I’ve been triggered so I can return to a state of being present again.
A7: There is little to fear in truth, more to fear in silence, for there truth becomes lonely and grows cold. Without connection we can not see each other, without each other we cease to exist.
Your answers to this question really stood out for me yesterday, for they are at the heart of some things I have had to struggle with in some of the most important relationships I’ve had. A parental figure or another significant person. For me, silence is just as difficult to endure as being yelled at or hit.
A9: They are my beliefs, my perspectives, my colors of the world that while I might try to share with others, they will still be mine….Even my own truth will change as I change, if I wait for some time to pass I will not type the exact same words, my truth will have changed.
Again, such beautiful wisdom Simon. : )
A10: Even my own truth will change as I change, if I wait for some time to pass I will not type the exact same words, my truth will have changed.
I loved all that you’ve shared Simon. Thank you for taking the time to share it. You honor me and all who read your words with sharing a part of your authentic self with us.
Deeply touched Simon. Thank you. : )
~Samantha
[…] « The Burden of Truth […]
Cool post Samantha…
thank you.
Personally…the burden is…
sorting and seeing through all of my experiences…
messages heard…interpretations of those
experiences and messages…all of my
projections that
obscure who I truly am.
It took me 54 years to discover who I am.
I’m a late bloomer.
Now…its about demonstrating that…
giving evidence to that…daily.
Now..its not a burden…but a joy.
I appreciate how
your posts…make me wonder…ponder…
think…even after I’ve finished reading them.
Its like being delightfully haunted.
Thanks again.
peace and blessings…
Thanks for sharing Garren. I love how you mention that a large part of sifting through the burden lies within our own interpretations and perceptions. Including our unowned projections that we can so easily blame others for without understanding that the source is sometimes coming from a disowned part of ourselves.
Thanks so much for sharing Garren. Somehow I missed replying to this one and only seeing it now! So my sincere apologies. : )
[…] The Burden of Truth by Samantha Hall […]
[…] The Burden of Truth by Samantha Hall […]
Dusting off the Way Back Machine that is Samantha Hall’s dialectic. Or an opportunity for a dialectic. Or an invitation to consider perspectives of a dialectic even though it might be an omni-lectic. A serving of an appetizer that is an invitation for her readers to bring a little more to the meal. A stone soup of thought & response & more thought & more response. Then after handfuls of comments the soup is near complete, thought it is never fully complete because maybe a year later, someone comes in with another ingredient to add to the soup. A living soup. A soul.
Okay, enough of this silliness.
You wrote, that a person’s perceptions “are not always accurate”. I have to take issue with that. Is any perception accurate? What is accurate? If a butterfly comes across in the wind and the sun shines in my left eye as I follow its path in a looping direction towards the left – who is to say that I didn’t perceive it accurately? Of course it looped up then left then away then right then left and right again. And yet, if a “me” were sitting in this exact spot millimoments separated from the event, and if the same butterfly came across my path and turned my eyes, I would perceive the same movements but it would be a different perception. Why? Because I am nanoseconds older? Yes, in part. But also because my brain now has nanoseconds’ more experience. The me that is now is substantially different than the me that existed prior to writing this sentence. I am so self-referential that I am now affected by these 17 extra words. And this one. (or three? now five? er.. seven)
So back to the existential question of truth. “I am” therefore I have an accurate account of what I perceive. Contrary to your statement about “not always accurate.” I am accurate because perception is all there is. I perceive the butterfly & it only exists because I am a person who has mental imagery, neurons and synapses, grey matter and fuzzy memory that echo “butterfly” from my past. And if you were sitting in this butterfly-viewing position, you would perceive the moment entirely different because your perception is built on your schema, the constructs you bring to the moment.
Okay, that’s fine. We have different perceptions. But what if we video taped the butterfly going across my path & we have recorded the event. Is that truth? That is as absurd as me saying, “I have captured truth from one perspective!” That is as absurd as me saying, “I caught the ball!” when in fact, the ball might say “I caught David!” That is, of course, if we had the pleasure of working with a talking sentient ball.
So let me argue with you again, Samantha. We shake hands. We are both in the moment. Do we have the same handshake? Or a dance? Or a song? Are we ever in concert with someone next to us? Well, you know my perspective. I have grey matter and fuzzy memory that makes each of my encounters different than yours. And yet, none of my perceptions of these events are Absolute Accurate. And yet, all of my perceptions of these events are Absolute Accurate. Perceptions are wrappers of events.
I am the source of my truth and you are the source of your truth. Perceptions are NOT Truth and yet for human events, all we have are perceptions – which are built upon individual schemas. I admit that your handshake is vastly different than mine. We are different. We will perceive things different. Live and let live. Maybe we can shake on that! (smile)
Finally, a wise soul once said to me that living with someone is the hardest thing a person can do. Now that’s truth!
Thanks for adding your humorous soul and perspectives to this here SOUP! Still giggling over your soup fest and perceptions perspectives…. : )
As for perceptions, perspectives, and our own illusions of truth (is this reality or a dream!?!?)…I totally get what you are saying.
It might help clarify what I was attempting to convey by adding the word assumption. Yes, when we experience a perception, we are ‘seeing’ something. Yet is it always accurate? No. NOT if we added assumptions about what we are seeing. Does that make more sense now?
If you have a bad day because you had a flat tire on the way to work, and I encounter you and ‘perceive’ that you have an angry scowl on your face and when you speak, you sound angry at ME….did I perceive you accurately? I could presume that not only are you an angry person but that you also are angry with me and perhaps you don’t’ even like me! Would I be accurate? No. Your flat tire and bad mood has nothing to do with me. Yet I encountered you without knowing or understanding what you’ve just experienced. Me forming a belief that you must not like me would not be accurate. It’s an assumption. And that’s what I was referring to.
We also make assumptions about people that are more positive as well. Presuming people who act ‘nice’ have our best interests at heart and actually LIKE us! How many times in life did we find it wasn’t the case at all? Someone just wanted something from us? And used kindness to get it?
So that’s what I’m referring to when it comes to inaccurate perceptions. They can be very inaccurate if we attach our assumptions to them that more times then not, aren’t true. : )
However, I LOVED your whole ramble on on this subject! haha
As for handshakes and interactions, isn’t it all a dance? I’d like to think so. And naturally, some dance better together then others.
And your wise soul told you the truth. Living with others is the hardest thing we can do, and yet with the right person or people…the most amazing dance and adventure in life there is!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment Dave. Honored you dropped in!