This post is partially inspired by one written by Steve Keating, The Problem With Problems. In his post, Steve provides an example of how terminology was being used in an organization that only served to minimize and deny problems rather than provide their people with the capacity to effectively address and solve them. Employees of the organization were being coached to reject the use of the word ‘problem‘, and instead, were using terms such as ‘challenges‘ and ‘opportunities‘. As a result, problems were being minimized and serious issues overlooked. Steve writes,
Problems are real; they need to be addressed differently than mere challenges and opportunities. Left unattended, problems almost always grow.
I couldn’t agree more. Words matter. The meaning assigned to those words matter. And how we are trained, either as children and on the job as adults, plays a role in our ability to adequately recognize and handle problems that are a natural part of life and business.
In my comment on Steve’s post, I shared how the use of vanilla words and phrases serve to substitute and minimize what words and situations really mean. When we are taught, expected, or allowed to deny the truth and reality of a situation, the less likely we will be inclined to do anything about it.
What happens when we are trained to treat ourselves in much the same way as a vanilla word? Constantly minimizing the real impact life is having on you? What if we are trained only to acknowledge and validate what is going on for others as real and legitimate but not ourselves?
We’ll explore this in a story from my own life when I experienced my first significant physical injury as a young adult, who had been trained up until that point to consider the needs of others as more important than my own. Note well this wasn’t on much of a conscious level at that time and only became conscious to me in retrospect.
So if you have a few minutes, hop into my time machine and we’ll travel back to the year 1992. There I am below at the age of 23 with my first born, Jessica.
A Story of DENIAL!
Shortly after my husband and I had our first baby, we went on a weekend ski trip to Mt. Bachelor in Oregon with our church group. Jessica, my oldest, was only 6 months old at the time and this was our first time away from her since she was born. We were both excited, especially my husband, who hadn’t been skiing in a while and was anxious to hit the slopes with our friends. I had never been to Mt. Bachelor before since I had spent most of my childhood growing up in the mid west. In fact, I hadn’t been on a set of skis since junior high, back on Red Lodge Mountain in Montana It didn’t matter though as I had recollections of those early days rolling down the hill like a little snowball every time I fell. Having progressed from the bunny slope to the moderately challenging ones fairly quickly, and surviving those experiences without a scratch, I was more then up for the challenge. After all, I was the Army girl and if I could handle boot camp and the military, I could handle ANYTHING! (chuckle)
Or so I thought….
At 8am on a Saturday morning we were ready to hit the slopes. While some people, including my husband, were preparing to take lifts up the mountain, others, including my girl friend, ReNai, were wanting to go cross country skiing instead. Hindsight is always 20/20 and ever since, I have kicked myself for not going with my her that day. Instead, I wanted to go skiing with my hubby! We had been working different shifts and had become like two ships passing in the night, plus tending to our new baby. So I was anxious to spend ‘quality time’ with my man, giving very little thought or consideration to the fact that I hadn’t been on skis in several years, and I was not yet physically prepared to tackle a mountain!
(Denial Mistake #1!)
Image supplied by Wikipedia Creative Commons Attribution
Living on Memories of Past Success and Youth
It was settled. The three of us, including my girlfriends husband, Greg, took off for the mountain and hopped on one of the lifts. Outside of some butterflies in my stomach due to excitement about going on a new adventure, I don’t recall worrying about anything bad happening. I was happy. It was a glorious day with my husband and friends and the weather couldn’t have been more perfect.
Before long we reached our destination and the guys indicated it was our time to exit the lift and begin our journey back down to the bottom. I stood up from the chair and slid easily down the gentle slope without a hitch (perhaps a wobble or two! ) and began following the guys to the start of the descent. At this point, I would love to be able to share some dare devil story that I sped down that mountain faster then a speeding bullet from a gun, with some gnarly aerial jumps and 360’s for good measure….
But alas…..no.
It wasn’t more then a few minutes after exiting the lift that my skis decided they wanted to go in opposite directions. And before my brain could tell the muscles in both my legs to get it together fast enough to pull them back in again, I was tumbling forward down the hill….in some not so elegant Chinese splits….with both knees inverting and no mercy on impact since for whatever reason, the boots didn’t release from the skis like they were supposed to.
Pain! Lots of pain!
Long story short, the rest of my ride down the mountain was in a sled led by the Ski Patrol. (My husband never let me forget it either!) And off to the ER in Bend, Oregon we went. X-rays didn’t show any broken bones and so the damage appeared to be limited to some pulled ligaments in both knees. I was sent home with a knee brace and told to see my primary care physician, who basically said the same thing. ‘Do some physical therapy for a few weeks and you’ll be fine. Pulled ligaments take time to heal.’
At this time in my life, I was working on the ortho-neuro ward at one of our local hospitals. So it would seem that I would be an expert at knee injuries and able to diagnose myself without a problem, yet when it came to myself, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Although I could follow policies and procedures, knew how to follow doctors orders, knew how to administer various medication and treatments, and I could assess another person by observing their vital signs and have them rate their pain for me, what they were actually experiencing inside of their bodies was limited to the realm of theory inside of my head. I couldn’t relate to their pain at all. Not really. Not until I had my own accident, felt pain, and temporarily lost some mobility in my own body for a few weeks.
When it came to having to deal with my own pain levels and needs, this was a whole new ball game. One that was completely foreign to me. I was used to taking care of OTHER people….assessing THEIR pain. Treating THEIR injuries. THEY were allowed to be in need and had the right to be taken care of, but not me. I hadn’t been taught to apply that same care and compassion to myself. What I recalled most was not wanting to be a burden to anyone and frustrated because I couldn’t walk very well for several weeks and needed some help from other people.
As is typical of abuse survivors, and frankly, for many people, I had been trained from a very young age to minimize, if not completely deny the reality of my experience. So I was used to minimizing pain in my body. Both physical and emotional pain. I was taught that my needs weren’t as important as those around me, so I was embarrassed when I had to ask for help. So I rarely did except for when I absolutely literally couldn’t function without it.
Can You Relate?
These beliefs were further reinforced when I joined the military. We were taught to set our own needs aside and sacrifice for the good of the many and our country. All of which may seem extremely altruistic yet, it wasn’t really choices being made from a highly evolved state of self-awareness and consciousness.
True love is not loving others at the expense of ourselves.
It is loving both self and other at the same time.
~Samantha Hall
So when my doctor told me that the only thing wrong with my knees were pulled ligaments, I initially accepted it without question and carried on with my life.
‘It’s not that bad.’
The only problem was, although I could eventually walk, I could no longer run. Well, that wasn’t so bad though. I didn’t really LIKE to run and since I was no longer in the military, I no longer HAD to either. And once I went back to work on the night shift, I quickly adapted to life with what I considered to be ‘bum’ knees. Yet instead of going back to the doctor as I should have when I realized I couldn’t handle certain physical activities anymore, I minimized it by telling myself that I was just being a baby. There’s nothing seriously wrong. Working the night shift, odd sleep schedules and raising a family during the day became the priority.
Until one day, I just couldn’t deny that there was something wrong anymore. Every once in a while when I took the stairs at the hospital instead of the elevator, it occasionally felt like my left femur was slipping off my tibia. It didn’t happen all of the time, yet when it did, it was painful enough that I couldn’t deny it. And even though I knew that it wasn’t normal, I still couldn’t help feeling that perhaps I was overreacting.
It wasn’t until after I had quit the night shift at the hospital and was home full time, home schooling my oldest daughter, that I finally went back to the doctor. I shared the symptoms I had been experiencing and brought up that perhaps I had torn my meniscus instead of just pulling things in the initial accident.
My doctors response? She looked at me and laughed saying, ‘I DOUBT you tore meniscus. You’d KNOW if you tore your meniscus!’
Immediately, I felt the blood rush to my face partly due to embarrassment, ‘Maybe I ‘m just being a baby and nothing is really wrong with me.’ Yet this quickly turned into irritation and anger as well as I thought, ‘I can’t RUN or easily exercise anymore so this isn’t just my imagination!’
I Learned to Become My Own Patient Advocate
My doctors response wasn’t acceptable. I knew something was wrong so I didn’t let it go. I pressed further and insisted that I wanted it checked out more thoroughly. I requested an MRI and told the doctor that I was a nurse and where I worked at the hospital. On that note, the entire situation shifted. Suddenly, the doctor decided that I may have a valid claim and immediately scheduled the MRI.
The results? Not only had I tore my meniscus in both knees, but I had also been living with a torn ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) in my left knee, and had been for all of those years.
VINDICATED!
I found out I wasn’t being a big baby after all. I was relieved. Not because there was something REALLY wrong with me, but because the problem was no longer being denied anymore. My symptoms were real and not a figment of my imagination. Although I had to push the issue and become my own patient advocate, I began to have a little faith in what my body had been trying to communicate with me and that I could learn to trust it. I also felt vindicated when it came to my doctor, who had initially tried to minimize and deny what I had experienced.
I’ve had three knee surgeries since then and my left knee never did return to a fully functional status although the ACL repair is still holding strong. The two additional surgeries were focused on repairing the meniscus and both times, they were unsuccessful.
What’s The Lesson?
Actually, there were multiple lessons in this story, some of which continue to this day. However, the biggest lesson I would want you to glean from this is perhaps the most important one of all. And it has to do with the relationship we have with ourselves. It is this relationship, how we learn to relate with our bodies that impact our ability to properly care for ourselves. And while many of us may have learned to care for others at our own expense, it’s time we recognize with greater depth and clarity that we can’t effectively take care of others for long if we let ourselves go…if WE fall apart….or if we die too young…just as my husband did of an unexpected heart attack at the age of 35.
I know someone needs to read this today.
I know some of you have been neglecting yourselves, your bodies, your health, just as I have. And it’s time to say no to neglect and yes to giving yourself the love and care you and your body so desperately need and deserve. Like me, perhaps you have children that would prefer you stick around for a few more years. Maybe you have a spouse or someone who loves you dearly that wants you to stay on this earth for as long as possible.
Take this post as a permission slip to finally saying YES to your life.
YES to your health.
YES to your body.
And you can only do your part by no longer minimizing and denying your own needs.
The Power of Denial causes….
- a man to minimize his chest pain, believing it’s heart burn instead of a heart attack.
- children to pretend that things at home really aren’t that bad even though they are being raped and/or beaten
- wives to deny that their daughters are being sexually abused by their husbands
- us to ignore the true nature of our boss, best friend, or spouse because we can’t possibly conceive they would do such a thing
- people to keep numbing their pain with alcohol and drugs
- us to settle for a lower quality of life because we don’t believe we deserve more
- us to stay in relationships that are dysfunctional rather than do something about it
- many of us to remain stuck on survive
- us to accept vanilla words such as ‘collateral damage’ so that we don’t have to face the reality of what it really means..the death of many innocent civilians and children
What else can you think of?
Denial does have it’s purpose in our lives. It helps children and victims of trauma and abuse survivors, POW’s, and combat veterans to survive unbearable environments. We also naturally go through a period of denial whenever we suffer some form of loss such as when someone we love dies, or face a personal injury or it could be a financial and material loss. There is a helpful side to our denial when it serves to get us through our grief stages or when absolutely necessary for survival.
It serves us…until it doesn’t anymore.
Denial serves us until it begins to push us down the path leading to our own destruction.
So if you take away only one meaningful suggestion today, let it be this. Learn to become your own patient advocate. Encourage those around you by becoming their best self-care advocates. In doing so, we shine a light and begin to heal a part of the world that begins with us. Right under our own two feet.
Questions for Reflection:
1. In what ways could you relate to my story of denial?
2. In what ways have you neglected your own body and health in the past and what happened as a result?
3. Do you know someone personally who has neglected their health and what happened?
4. Is there anything in your life that you might be in denial about right now that you are willing to face and deal with? If so, what is it?
5. What is the worst thing that could happen if you continue to be in denial over that particular issue or problem?
6. What is the best thing that could happen if you finally face and deal with what you have been denying?
7. Are you able to deal with this issue or problem on your own or do you need additional support in order to be successful?
8. What additional resources could you use to help you work through issues of denial?
9. Who can you be completely honest with when it comes to what you’ve been in denial about?
10. What are the first steps you can take to begin facing and addressing the problem you’ve been denying in your life?
What a story to powerfully illustrate your point! So often we’re trained to minimize our own needs and in turn, lose the power of our gut and intuition. We spend time telling ourselves we’re nuts instead of being open to the possibility that we do, indeed know an important truth.
Recently I’ve had a health issue that the doctor took very seriously and send me for an MRI which came back with no issues. He called me to give me the “all clear.” I said, but I’m still suffering. His response was “you are just someone who has this.” What? I was quick to say that for 43 years I was “not just someone who has this” and something has changed. Unfortunately, the doctor was the one explaining things away and in denial. His assumption was that if he couldn’t figure it out on his first pass, maybe I was making it up… or there was no plausible explanation. It’s purely self protection on his part.
When we step into denial, we begin to believe, at all costs that this is the way it has to be. It’s just not the case.
Thank you for another powerful post based on your life experience. That’s why I’m drawn to your insights and blog every single time you publish.
Best,
Alli
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment Alli. Yes, far too many of us have been trained so well that we learn a little too late that we can’t do it all and for long if we’re doing it at the expense of our own health and wellness. And too often, we don’t find this out until it’s too late because unless we are injured abruptly in an accident, we could live for years with only minor symptoms until suddenly, we find ourselves facing down a whopper of disease!
I”m so glad that you didn’t settle with your doctors response and I hope you are getting a second opinion, especially since you are still having symptoms! (BTW: Let me know how that goes and what you find out!)
Denial costs us dearly in many ways. The hardest part about denial is when we’ve been living in it for so long that we might not have ever acquired a natural ‘base line’ to begin with. So there may be no frame of reference telling a person that what they are experiencing is abnormal. They need to do something about it instead of living with it.
Thanks again for stopping by and sharing! I always appreciate your comments.
Wow, this is an amazing post. A very personal example of the power, and very often, destructive nature of denial.
There are many reasons people allow denial into their lives, in the short-term there can be benefits to it but in the long term we can deal with issues we won’t admit.
Denial is a wall that keeps us from experiencing life to the fullest. Sometimes we hide behind the wall, others times we hide our problems there. Until we are in the open, being open and dealing with the problems in our life, there will always be some part of our life that suffers.
Never deny the problems in your life, instead deny problems any control over your life. Having problems isn’t a problem, not acknowledging our problems is a problem.
Thanks for such a profound comment Steve! I’m honored that you’ve taken the time to ‘drop by’ and share. You are always welcome. : )
Yes, we all have had some good and not so good reasons for our denial. There’s a saying that has to do with our conscious and unconscious payoffs yet I can’t recall the original source at the moment. Something about a payoff being the short term gain that results in long term pain. That’s the gift of denial.
This whole paragraph your wrote is so good, it’s worth a repeat
‘Denial is a wall that keeps us from experiencing life to the fullest. Sometimes we hide behind the wall, others times we hide our problems there. Until we are in the open, being open and dealing with the problems in our life, there will always be some part of our life that suffers.’
Very true Steve. All too true! This also brings to mind another element to the denial puzzle. When we ARE in denial, we’re generally not conscious of it and this is where other people come in. However, one of our big challenges as a culture today is that so many are all too willing to feed each others denials and allow people to stay in it!
The call and challenge is to wake each other up before it’s too late.
And to point out another profound point of action in your last paragraph:
‘Deny problems any control over your life.’
If only we all had that one mastered in this life…. : )
Thanks again for commenting Steve. You’re always welcome.
Samantha, you took on a mammoth topic and addressed it with your usual clarity, thoughtfulness, and probing insight. I could not agree more with your conclusions.
Alas, I disagree strongly with the conclusion you drew from Mr. Keating’s essay. In the one example he described, the company was using alternative terminology as a shameless form of denial. I agree there. But this is a perversion of why we routinely use the word “opportunity” instead of “problem” when engaged in group problem solving or conflict resolution. Properly used, the practice deflects the need for human beings to place blame. Consider a hypothetical case where a manufacturing division is failing routinely to meet demand, and quality control is among the worst in the industry. Here is the power of semantics used properly. First, the wrong way.
FACILITATOR: Thanks, everyone, for coming. We know we have a problem here, and we are here today to identify some strategies for solving it. First, I think it is important that we articulate the problem clearly so that we know what we need to change. Let’s…
CRAIG: I can tell you right now what the problem is. It’s Steve. Steve Humphrey is a lousy manager. Fire him and the problem solves itself.
At this point, everyone might as well go home. Even if the facilitator can work a miracle and get things back on track, Steve has already been stigmatized as well as alienated, and probably will never contribute fully. By saying the words “articulate the problem” the facilitator opened the door for Craig. Now try this.
FACILITATOR: Thanks, everyone, for coming. We know that output in this division is not ideal. Fortunately, senior management has given us the opportunity to engage our collective expertise to identify solution strategies. Let’s begin by identifying the conditions we can improve. Steve, you are closest to this problem. Can you suggest the first?
STEVE: Well, we can improve quality for one thing.
FACILITATOR: Can you be more specific? What specific quality element can we improve?
STEVE: We…we can reduce the number of widget armatures that fail.
FACILITATOR: Great, Steve. Now can you state that as an opportunity?
STEVE: We have the opportunity to reduce widget armature failures.
In this example, the semantic nuance protects Steve from crucifixion and allows him to throw out the first positive idea toward solving the problem for which he, admittedly, is probably partly responsible. Using semantic alternatives to deflect blame and build trust helps to create better solutions and better employees.
I apologize for going into such depth, but I really wanted to clarify this point in an otherwise outstanding essay. Using a semantic alternative is, by itself, not denial. It is HOW the alternative is used that makes the difference. I have consulted for companies where you can call a problem and problem and the culture still denies its existence.
That said, Samantha, brava! A touching and compelling story that illustrates your point superbly.
Thanks for your insights on the issue of semantics Steven. Great examples and distinctions.
I’ll let Steve speak for himself if he chooses to offer additional insights or wishes to elaborate on any of your points. I can only speak for myself in saying that I’m probably one of those rare individuals in our culture right now that would prefer to call a spade a spade and a problem a problem. From my point of view, it’s not the word ‘problem’ that is the issue, it’s how the word is used out of the mouths of the humans using it. If there is an underlying current of blame in an environment from one or more people towards another person or group of people, playing with semantics may serve to make the playground superficially nice, yet it’s not going to address the underlying core issue of hostility from which this feeling of blame resides. That’s not a semantics issue. That’s something entirely different. The semantics issue is more like the band-aid being used to treat a symptom but not the true cause.
So that’s my feeling on the subject. Specifically, my comment on Steve’s posts referenced the movie Apollo 13 where he states specifically, ‘Houston, we have a problem.’ In this context, a problem is a problem. It’s not an issue of blame. It’s ‘what, exactly, is the problem so we fix it’.
In addition, my reference was also to the use of vanilla words such as ‘collateral damage’.
So that’s where I was coming from and I still lean in the camp of preferring to call it what it is. It’s not an obstacle except in the minds of those threatened by the word for whatever reason.
Again, I’ll let Steve jump in here if he so chooses.
Always love it when you take the time to read and comment Steven. Appreciate your insights (even if we might have a different feeling, viewpoint, or opinion etc)
That said, I suppose it really does depend on the members of the group. Hopefully the person facilitating will know what is needed to help get the ball rolling in the right direction and is already familiar with individual members and group dynamics.
Thank you so much Steven!
As always, Samantha, a wonderful post animated by personal experience and feeling — an eloquent way to illustrate the problem of denial!
Claes Janssen’s 4-room apartment model suggests we are all caught up in a continuing cycle that moves us from contentment to denial to confusion to renewal, and then back to contentment…. I like the model because it suggests that contentment is impermanent and that coming out of denial isn’t about an immediate recognition of the truth so much as sustaining conflict and chaos until the truth shows up (in renewal).
His theory also suggests that you can’t wake yourself up so easily and not until you are ready to face that chaos and conflict — which could be external, internal or both. There’s too much fear, and the only thing that I know that overcomes that fear is love, care for self and care for others. It’s not a moral question so much as a readiness question, a strength question, a resource question — which in the end also makes it a spiritual question. Am I ready to push off into reality — one more time?
Thank you so much for such a powerful and liberating post on turning to face the transforming power of what is.
~Dan
Thanks for joining us Dan! I always looks forward to your insights as they add so much depth to things.
I’ve never heard of Claes Janssen’s 4-room apartment model so for anyone else not familiar with it, here’s a link I found that does a good job of describing what it is as well as purpose and function of each room or phase of change.
http://hrweb.mit.edu/learning-development/learning-topics/change/articles/four-room
Actually, for the most part, I agree with his theory suggesting we can’t wake ourselves up so easily and not until we are ready to face it. My references to waking each other up was imagining us as a society on the crux of decline and how DO we wake each other up or CAN we prior to the ‘bitter end’? Context being the end of any civilization…it’s rise and fall.
More personally though, I wholeheartedly believe when it comes to certain things, especially trauma, the mind intentionally protects us from that which we may not be psychologically prepared or strong enough to address yet. Or there may be something ELSE that needs to be dealt with FIRST before another area can be safely handled. After all, most of us are processing on multiple levels and layers in life. No one can tackle everything at once, which is why many of us intentionally create priorities and those priorities will tend to change based on our needs and circumstances.
And I wholeheartedly agree with your statement that love overcomes fear. That has been my experience thus far as well. If someone is more interested in beating me down or terrifying me, I’m more than likely feeling fear ( or anger ) rather than love. Or having to divert too much life force energy protecting myself from any real or perceived attacks. Either way, love is not getting through and not being experienced. And this can happen in reverse as well.
It just so happens that David Whyte (or his staff) tweeted a link to his excerpt on Denial this morning. You already know how much I adore him as an author and once again, he doesn’t disappoint in his perspectives on denial.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1041082342584435
His first line is this:
I”m comforted by this initial introduction because I feel safe and validated when I’m in the midst of denial and not yet ready to deal with something. Then I’m reminded of how this can quickly turn against me and I find I don’t want to be so stuck in denial that I’m not able to recover. I want to be able to make a necessary change before it’s too late. And I long to find that balance between the two; which is where I imagine our mysterious relationship with faith comes in. (our spiritual realm)
The whole passage he published is wonderful, yet I’ll close with this two final paragraphs. I simply love them.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share my friend. Always appreciate it when you do.
Yes, I need to reply to Steven… I agree with him 100%. Choosing to soften language is not denial, neither is choosing to look on the bright side. That said, banning the use of the word problem does lead to denial, it helps no one and accomplishes nothing. In fact, when we make a decision that we will not acknowledge problems we almost certainly make more and bigger problems.
Great comment Steven, spot on!
I wholeheartedly agree with the need to soften language as necessary, especially to preserve everyone self-esteem (aka speak the truth with love) so perhaps I misunderstood, being focused on the semantics issue over ‘why is calling a problem a problem?’
The other definitive factor that would need to be clarified depending on the situation is whether the organization is dealing with a people problems, a systems problem, a tech problem, etc. All require different methods for handling it.
In the latter issues, when a problem is brought up and addressed (like the mechanical failures that happened in my example with Apollo 13) they aren’t attacking a person and there’s no need to at that point. They needed to focus on identifying the problem and then figuring out what they needed to do to solve it.
People issues are handled differently. Yet even in that context, when done appropriately (when egos aren’t involved) the focus is on the behaviors rather than attacking the person.
And I wholeheartedly agree with what you said here:
Thanks for returning to respond to Steven’s comment Steve. I don’t know Steven on Twitter (we ‘met’ on Dan’s Leadershipfreak blog) so hopefully he signed up to receive notifications for comments and sees your reply.
Samantha, Reading your post was in some ways like lookin into the mirror. I believe strong people are so busy being strong they miss the crack within their own armour.
I know for me I put off double hernia surgery for two years. Living alone I could not see others having time to come help me. And while down how was I to help them?
I deny daily the aches and pains of age. Because I can’t see my self as not being strong enough to be there when needed.
May be time too look for the cracks physically as well as mentaly. I am sure they are there.
Thanks for all you do.
Tom
Hi Tom! I’m so happy you took the time to stop by and share today.
You’ve brought up a vital point, and one that I can relate with all too well as a widow. People who live alone and simply don’t have the support available to have help around to assist us when health issues arise. I’ve been in the same boat. If I’m down, who’s going to be there for my daughters? For a decade now, I’ve been the position where I can’t AFFORD to get sick or injured because there just isn’t anyone else there that can help out in that capacity. Even my mom has been out of the picture in terms of ability to help out due to her own health issues and she’s been very ill and living on oxygen full time for a few years now.
Last year, I had a huge wake up call just going to the dentist! I went in knowing I needed a long overdue check up and teeth cleaning, and didn’t really think I had new cavities, I thought a couple of specks near the gum line were coffee stains. Only to find out that not only were they cavities, but part of my jaw had 80% bone loss and that led me down a 9 month long path of painful dental visits sometimes 2 to 3 times a month until we finally got a permanent bridge that fit correctly!
And the funny thing about this, and more than likely fed my denial about my teeth is the fact that I didn’t have a cavity in my LIFE until I was in my thirties and AFTER I had my second child! haha And I had only visited the dentist ONCE as a child! : )
So I hear you loud and clear! The elderly and people living alone without partners are at high risk when health issues arise.
Now what to do about it opens up a whole new can of worms and I don’t have the answer for that one right now.
Thanks again for sharing Tom. Your perspective is valuable and I’m sure there are many others that can relate to it as well.
Extraordinary post, Samantha and one I will definitely share!
Your story about denial is so inspiring! We must all listen to our bodies and heads and honor what we are feeling.
Although I spend a great deal of time alone researching and designing my workshops, I cannot deny that I am in constant need of face to face contact with my colleagues. Although I connect with participants, it is not totally satisfying for my professional growth. Once I accepted what I was feeling I now make sure I set up meetings with people in my field and don’t try to ignore my feelings.
Thanks Samantha!
HI Terri! Thank you for taking the time to read and share today!
Yes, learning how to listen to our bodies, our thoughts, feelings, intuition (you name it!) is important and a life long journey. At least it has been for me.
You’ve brought up another wonderful point that so many people face. The time spent working in isolation, then time spent with clients, resulting in not enough real time with colleagues and peers. Very true! It’s good that you recognized your need for this because now it sounds like you are doing what you need to do to ensure this needs gets met.
I know many people in business will be able to relate to it as well.
Thanks for sharing Terri and I’m honored that you ‘dropped by’! : )
Chose promise chose faite je t’ écris une petite bafouille sur ton blog afin de te dire que je suis passé sur ta page te faire un petit coucou!!oui il est plus facile pour moi d’écrire en français et puis comme cela personne comprend ce que j’écris ce qui finalement est encore mieux…
Bonjour Eric!
Quelle surprise agréable! Merci pour faire des remarques sur mon poste aujourd’hui. Je sais que je vous dois un courrier électronique via Lang et vous répondrai plus tard aujourd’hui.
Samantha