America and violence. War on terror.
Words that seem to be closely associated together as we remember the events on 9/11 and come to grips with a possible military strike against another country. This time, Syria.
Acknowledge Fear and Anger
Every fiber of my being cries out NO! No to more war. No to the senseless violence. A moment of fear followed by anger rises up from within my own depths. A primordial mix of cellular memory from growing up in America with violence without justice. An instinctual need to feel safe and secure in the world. Anger that senseless acts of violence continue to harm the innocent. Combined with the knowledge and wisdom that violence is not the answer to solving problems. In the midst of frustration, I also recognize that many of these issues are entirely out of my direct control.
Learning the Difference Between What We Can and Cannot Control
Many things are outside of my direct influence and control, including what the government chooses to do in the world. What I do have control over is my own voice and a choice to not remain silent. I can raise my voice if only in a post to declare that I am opposed to America’s habit of using violence as a first response in the world. Consider that we have one of the largest crime rates in the world, along with the MILLIONS of children who are abused and raped every single year here. It seems to be a blatant double standard that America is so quick to act when it comes to injustice going on in other parts of the world yet fails to consider the causes of such a high rate of injustice right here at home.
An Assertive Response
Am I being insensitive to the injustice being faced by innocent Syrians in their own country? No. I feel deeply for anyone having to endure the heartless cruelty of violence and injustice no matter where they are in the world. I am not saying to ignore injustice. I am saying no to America meeting injustice with more of their own. If America embarks on another military strike, we are not doing anything to improve the situation. We will only continue to model the very violence and terror that we ignorantly believe we are somehow ‘quelling’ in what continues to be an endless history of violence of our own.
“Do as I say and not what I do.”
‘Do as I say and not what I do’ mentality doesn’t work. America’s seed of anger and violence is too strong. Perhaps its time for America to acknowledge its own anger and quest for vengeance and step aside on this one. Allow some of the other nations to use their collective thinking, hearts, and wisdom to help come up with a more diplomatic and nonviolent way to resolve the situation. If violence is our primary answer and response to most issues in the world, perhaps we need to consider that we aren’t the best role model to help improve things at this time. Perhaps its time to face the fact that America has an anger and violence problem of its own to deal with. Something that many of us who’ve already endured countless acts of violence here have known for a long time. For far too long.
Notice the Connections and Links of Violence
Last night I read a post written by Ian Lawton of Soul Seeds, Breaking the Cycle of Violence.
He wrote:
This is how we perpetuate the cycle of violence. Remember that Timothy McVeigh, who committed the worst act of domestic terror in U.S. history, learned to kill in the first Gulf war. In his own words, the war turned him into an “animal.” He came back from war, mentally disturbed, and continued to kill. Then he himself was killed. There’s the cycle- the government that trained him to kill, kills him, to show the rest of us that it is wrong to kill.
If America is living it’s message, what message does it continue to deliver to the world?
Having a belief that we are a nation of light, love, and hope in the world is great….if it’s true. When actions consistently reveal a far different message to the world, it’s time to pay attention to the gap between delusions of grandeur and reality. This is something the rest of the world already knows. It is also something many of us who live here know only too well.
America is in denial.
For better or for worse, America is my homeland. Yet we cannot remain silent if we know we are heading down the wrong path. I say this as an American woman who once served in the military. I say this as a woman who cannot make sense of my countries need to police the rest of the world with never-ending acts of war and violence. Yet continues to ignore the injustice that occurs on our own soil.
- Does anyone ever take a moment to wonder WHY so many of our children are being abused and raped each year?
- Does anyone ever stop long enough to consider WHY we have so much violence within our own borders?
- Does the government not understand the link between the violence in war and the violence at home?
‘Violence breeds violence.’
As I’ve shared in past posts, in the same way that shame based systems breed shame based people. Violent systems breed more violence. We’ve been watering the anger and violent seeds for far too long. We’ve forgotten (or didn’t learn in the first place) how to water the good seeds of love, mercy, compassion, and kindness in one another. We’ve been doing this in ignorance, not understanding our connection to one another. Our connection to each other here in our own country and our connection to every other nation and people on the planet. How we treat people here has a long term impact on the health of our country. And impacts how we treat other nations in the world. America does not spare its anger and violence against its own CHILDREN and does not spare it against the rest of the world either.
A Message of Love
Out of love, I ask America to wake up. To look at what we’ve been creating with eyes wide open. So that we may tend to our own wounds, heal the land, and become an example of good instead of destruction in the world.
America is my country. When she fails, we all fail. When she succeeds, we all succeed. We need to love our country enough to speak up. Speak the truth. Remove the blinders from our eyes with some fresh understanding that if America is in the path of an iceberg, we ALL hit it. If the ship goes down, we ALL go down with it. Our lives are NOT entirely our own here. The sooner people understand this, the better.
Can a violent country bring peace to other violent countries? No. We can’t.
America, if you want to begin doing the right thing then know this.
Justice begins AT HOME.
There is a better way and it is going to require more then giving lip service to ideological cliches that have the ‘ring’ of wisdom on the surface but contain no true power to evoke change in the hearts and minds of the people. Somehow, we need to get beyond the superficial ‘wisdom’ of this age and move to actively exploring and teaching new ways to handle anger, conflict, and hostility in ourselves and in the world. Yet as Ian shared in his post on Breaking the Cycle of Violence, it’s going to take a great deal of courage to cultivate genuine love to overcome our own violent nature in this land.
This is the first of a series of post I will be writing on dealing with anger in the face of injustice. In my next couple of posts, we will take a closer look at the nature of anger itself, and explore a few perspectives from various spiritual traditions in the world. Each perspective is a vital piece to the puzzle that will help give us a greater picture of practical wisdom in learning to address and manage anger.
Explore Your Own Anger
We all experience anger. I do. You do. We all do. Anger is not ‘wrong’. It’s a normal, natural, and sometimes even necessary emotion that we can learn to accept and make friends with instead of treating it as if it’s the enemy. Denial and suppression merely lead to resistance. The energy itself doesn’t go away. So it’s important that we learn to deal with it more effectively so it doesn’t hurt ourselves and others.
For now, I invite you to begin exploring the nature of anger in your own life. Start thinking about what you’ve already learned about anger.
- How is it currently handled in your personal life?
- In your family?
- In your workplace?
- Does anger scare you?
- Do you easily display anger or do you primarily try to stuff it, hide it, and suppress it?
- Does your anger ever sneak up on you like a thief in the night and catch you off guard?
- Do other people fear your anger? If so, how does that make you feel?
- Do you want to learn how to effectively manage your anger?
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Additional Related Resources:
Codependency and Relationships
Are You Cashing Your Reality Checks? by Scott Mabry
Leadership and Shame by Dan Oestreich
On Emotional Freedom by Dan Oestreich
The Woman Who Went To Work To Heal by Dan Oestreich
As I Do Not As I Say – Short film by Soul Biographies
Behind Every Old General Short film by Soul Biographies
In the Life of Another – Short film by Soul Biographies
The Alchemy of Anger by Parker J. Palmer
Dear Samantha~
Violence is a form of insanity. “Justified” violence to stop other violence is deeply, horribly problematic. It’s the sort of thing that spawns a multitude of vitriolic comments on a multitude of blog posts containing the most emotional examples of for and against. What about this situation? Or this one? Is it okay for someone to defend with a gun their home and family from a violent daylight break-in okay? Well, then, what about SYRIA, and isn’t it really the same thing? And on, and on, and on.
I get so tired — SO tired — of the arguments for violence, for putting on our hero’s cloak and going after the evil, that I sometimes just want to run away into the forest. It is so much more convenient to go to the movies, worship the super heroes (as if we were them), pretend that life is a fairy tale of clear good defeating clear evil. How simple and so dismissively external and so wonderfully comfortable this makes the problem. But we cannot run away from the situation — or ourselves. We have to stay here and face it and for what it is worth, I believe that is exactly what our elected representatives, including the President, believe they are doing, as misguided as that might be. But you are so right, what we haven’t done in the process is genuinely face ourselves.
What I condemn is the total lack of imagination, the lack of collaboration to lead, to address the situation in Syria and so many other problems we face here in the United States. We can create an iPhone. We can make progress every day in the cure of cancers and big diseases like Malaria. We can find all kinds of novel ways for individuals to make money. And it’s a friggin’ dream — because we cannot yet seem to get people together into the clear, real space needed to take on a devastating and cruel and perfectly useless war.
The most disappointing thing I heard from the President is that somehow we think we are “exceptional.” This is exactly what “justified” violence looks like. We are better. We know. That is precisely the violence we do to ourselves before we enact violence with others.
My truth, mine, is that we do NOT know. And that is what might cause us to back up a little and mobilize an entirely different kind of leadership. If we don’t break down the walls of our own unoriginality and compliance with a myth of superiority, if we are going to acquiesce to righteousness, this is exactly what we get in return: an escalation of the wars that have already deeply scarred our souls. For crying out loud, why on earth don’t we share the pain for once and think together as a member rather than the “leader of the world” about another way?
Thanks for the post, Samantha. Thanks for putting it out there!
Dan
Amen my friend! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I wholeheartedly agree.
‘But we cannot run away from the situation — or ourselves. We have to stay here and face it’
Yes. I believe we CAN face it if we can only move through the thick blanket of denial that seems to keep us stuck. I say this with some compassion, knowing that we are afraid to look in those places. Not everyone is ready to do it at the same time. Even within myself, I know I’ve only been able to do it in layers…a little bit here…a little bit there.
‘…that somehow we think we are “exceptional.” This is exactly what “justified” violence looks like. We are better. We know.’
This is all part of the competitive mindset of our culture. The reality is we are no more ‘exceptional’ then any other nation in this world. We are not ‘better’ and we do not always know what is best. I dream that our nation would eventually view other nations as equals without the need for superiority. That we would embrace the collective wisdom and gifts of all people. That we would stop provoking terror and anger in the very countries we turn around and attack because they fear US! Our nation needs to understand how we PERPETUATE the fear and terror in the world because of our own violence. I’m not saying we need to accept blame for any and all violence in the world. Not at all. Yet we are partly responsible for INCREASING fear and anger in others by our actions and choices. By the way we have chosen to handle situations. I dream that we would learn true diplomacy and feel genuine love for our neighbors that can actually be FELT by other nations when we interact with them. I dream we would give other nations a reason to trust us again. Instead of fear us.
‘…why on earth don’t we share the pain for once and think together ….’
Yes. My sentiments exactly my friend.
Thanks again for your wonderful heartfelt contribution Dan. I appreciate it.
Dear Samantha,
You and Dan said it all. I have nothing more to say than to thank you both for being so HUMAN!!
I have enough of wars & violence! I was feeling down & sick lately just because of feeling it so close.
Apology for being too short in words, but I only want to shout LOUD & CLEAR:
Love & Peace to all!
Hoda
My heart swelled up with love when I read your comment on G+ Hoda and now this. Thank you so much my friend.
No apologies needed. Your presence and love is enough. You said it all right here…
‘Love and peace to all!’
xo
The other day I read an article in huffington post by doug bandow:
he writes: Syria is a tragedy. But it is not America’s tragedy. Legislators should reject war with Syria.
I am all for rejecting war, but I am not about saying that what happens across the world has nothing to do with me. it has everything to do with me.
I believe we are all brothers and sisters. I believe we are all connected. What happens to you happens to me.
This idea that the only conversation we are having is about war or not war makes me literally sick.
I too wrote an article about this topic, it is called LOVE NOT WAR which is on huffington post today.
And Samantha I believe and stand by your words!
I think you are courageous and strong.
I feel you are the voice of reason.
I want everyone to read this article.
Dan I love your comment and insight!
And Samantha I love your reply when you wrote:
By the way we have chosen to handle situations. I dream that we would learn true diplomacy and feel genuine love for our neighbors that can actually be FELT by other nations when we interact with them. I dream we would give other nations a reason to trust us again. Instead of fear us.
AMEN!!! I say!!!! AMEN with love.
Thank you for sharing my friend!
On Doug Bandow’s comment: ‘Syria is a tragedy. But is not America’s tragedy. Legislators should reject war with Syria.’
I, too, wholeheartedly agree that rejecting more violence and war is in EVERYONE’s best interests. And like you, I do not agree with the statement that Syria’s tragedy is not ours. This is where we can see our own lack of compassion and empathy for one another. The…’It’s not MY problem if it’s happening to someone else…I will only care about the problem if it’s happening to ‘me’.’
Yes, we ARE all brothers and sisters. And as I just shared recently on your latest post ‘Make Love Not War’ http://t.co/VkszUHvs50 …
‘Love wants nothing more then to connect each and every one of us. It is the most powerful energy in the world, WAITING to connect and unite us all. Ready to empower all people and all nations. If we would only seek it more then all other things. If we would only yearn for it more then the need to be right, to be ‘superior’, to ignorantly believe that another nation, people, race, or gender must be ‘put down’ or else ‘we’ (my group) or ‘me’ won’t succeed or have enough. There’s more then enough if the world would only share.’
I love your heart Lolly! Thank you for adding your own heart and voice in standing for love and truth!
xoxo
I appreciate your voice, your conviction and your passion. I was in college during the first Gulf War. I realized that while I could not change what our government chose to do, I didn’t have to remain silent. I went to my first rally and my first protests. I then found other places where I could no longer remain silent and joined other voices to make our collective message louder. Take Back the Night was one of the most memorable and important rallies that I ever took part.
In recent years I’ve shook my head in disagreement and sadness that we’re caught in a cycle of violence but there is more to say and more to do. We need to speak up, we need to look within our homes, our families our communities and ask how we can spark change instead of just shaking our heads.
I’m reminded of a play I saw years and years ago… in the play America and the USSR were having official meetings to talk about nuclear weapons disarmament. It was clear from the official talks that no progress would be made – each was in a mode of self protection and needed to be prepared to fight. The two responsible for the talks actually met in the woods on a walk and continued to meet there every day and talk about concessions and a path to peace. Alone, without the political pressures of the world focused on them, they crafted a strategy for total disarmament. Sadly, the reality did not match what they felt in their hearts when it was simply about one person reaching out to another person.
I have so many other thoughts from this powerful post but I’ll leave it with how much I appreciate and admire you. Thank you for reminding me of what’s most important, in my control and the role I can personally play in breaking the cycle of violence.
~ Alli
Dear Alli,
Thank you for sharing your own journey in standing for peace rather then violence. While you were in college protesting the first Gulf war, I was serving in one of the hospitals in Germany during it. Fortunately, my role was in healthcare rather then having to come face to face with the violence.
Unfortunately, someone I went to school with lost his life in that war. He stepped on a landmine right BEFORE the war ended, leaving behind a wife who was pregnant with their second child. And who just happened to be working on the post in Germany where I was stationed! She and her husband had been together since we were in Junior High school. (when I lived in Wyoming) They stayed together all through school (I left for Washington after my sophomore year) and eventually got married. Her husband joined the military and was in the infantry.
We are living in a tragic cycle of violence. We must continue to raise our voices in hopes that we can create understanding that the violence ‘out there’ comes back home. The violence of war can be linked to alcoholism, abuse, rape, rage, mental disturbances, leaving families fatherless (and sometimes motherless)….the violence doesn’t stay on the field. The violence comes back home and touches people on the family, community, and government level. There is no place that violence cannot touch when we continue to feed it. It is important to increase our understanding of how these things are connected and the long term ramifications and impact it has not only on other nations and people, but here at home as well.
Deep gratitude and appreciation for you taking the time to share your heart and thoughts on this subject Alli.
Love to you!
Samantha Hall congratulations on writing one of the most powerful and authentic posts I have read. You solidly speak the truth. I love my country at the same time we need to take a hard look in the mirror and refocus on the violence and injustices within our own boarders. We need to lead by example and not have a do as I say and not as I do mentality.
Also thank you for your service
Thank you Tom. I’m happy to know my message resonated with you. Yes, we do need to take some time to look within ourselves and around us to see how violence connects and intersects like links in a chain. More violence will not solve problems, they will only make them worse. The desire to want to find different ways of managing anger and handling conflict is a start. When love and compassion becomes a stronger force within us, we will not want to hurt others. The real challenge still remains in being strong enough to stand in love and compassion in the midst of injustice. This is our challenge. This is what we need to practice.
Grateful for your comment Tom. I appreciate you taking the time to connect.
Samantha, I appreciate your passionate thoughtfulness. I completely agree with you that violence can’t be dealt with by more violence but by love. I recently read Bruce Lipton’s latest book, The Honeymoon Effect. He basically said that if we could cultivate love, first within ourselves, then it’ll affect our relationships, and then that will expand to higher levels–community, region, nation and across countries. Ending violence with love does start with ourselves. Thank you once again for sharing your deeply felt and held conviction, Samantha!
Hello there my friend!
Bruce Lipton and The Honeymoon Effect. I haven’t heard of that one before so I will be sure to scope it out on amazon for more info.
Thanks for sharing Alice. Always appreciate your comments. : )
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