I’m very honored to share this guest post by Greg Richardson.
I floated on the surface of life for a long time.
I believed what people told me. Life was a contest, a competition. My contest was about responsibility. Winning the contest of life, being happy, was about meeting or exceeding expectations.
Because I was a very responsible person, I could meet or exceed expectations pretty well. Some more than others. I suppose I focused on the expectations I thought were important, while not worrying about the ones I did not think were very significant.
The contest of life was a lot like other contests. You can tell who is winning. The way you know you are winning the responsibility contest is that people give you more responsibilities.
I did not have time to pay much attention to the Depth of life. I was busy winning the contest.
Eventually, I realized that there was a problem. I was meeting and exceeding expectations, winning the contest, but I was not happy.
I considered my problem for a long time from different angles. I had almost given up hope when, one day, I had a revelation.
I realized that I spent my life meeting other people’s expectations.
It was not merely that I did not do what I wanted to do or was not who I wanted to become. It was deeper than that. I did not know who I was at my core. I did not know my deepest, truest self.
Slowly but surely, I began to explore the Depth. I worked hard to get under the surface. I started to become acquainted with who I was.
It took me a long time. It was hard work. I went to places within myself I had tried to avoid my whole life. I had help.
The exploration continues. My relationship to myself, and to the people around me, becomes deeper and more true.
Life is not a contest; it is a journey of discovery.
********************
Greg Richardson
Greg Richardson is a spiritual mentor, and leadership and organizational coach, in Pasadena, California. Greg has served as a criminal prosecutor, an executive, and a university professor. Greg’s website is StrategicMonk.com and on Twitter he is @StrategicMonk.
[ Image above post by Tim Snell ]
Greg, I’m so deeply honored to share your post on my blog. You also have honors for being the first person to write a guest post for it. So double the honor! : )
I can relate so much to what you’ve shared. You’ve touched on one of the most important pieces as to why we get lost and that I’ve been exploring in my last few posts:
‘I believed what people told me.’
I find this to be one of those universal dilemmas in life. Impossible for us to avoid at first because we have to RELY on people when we are small and helpless to help teach and guide us. I don’t know of anyone who successfully and automatically questions everything they are told and taught early on. Look how easy it is/was for many of us as children to blindly believe in things like Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, or the tooth fairy? (I realize not every child has been told the same things! haha)
The point is, when we are children, we blindly accept what we are told. For the most part.
As for the rest of your post, I’m curious if you still feel that same push/pull… the same ‘temptation’ to be drawn back into it all? The push and pull of expectations and responsibilities even though you currently have a new understanding and conscious awareness of it all?
I find that I still do. I can still FEEL the energy and pressure at times. So I’m curious if you still experience it too.
Thanks you for sharing your wisdom and insights. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for quite awhile now and again, I’m very honored to share your guest post on my blog.
Truly powerful Samantha ! What a beautiful collaboration with Greg. I read an earlier post that both him and Alli Polin did and believe you and Greg are simply amazing together as well.
When great minds align their passion the impact is immediate!
Wow, thanks to the both of you for being there and sharing your passion like this.
Namasté.
Johann
Thank you Johann. This has been an exciting co-creative adventure together. It’s amazing what people can do when we put our heads/hearts together! And the depth and multitude of perspectives we gain simply by focusing on the same title. ie. identities, responsibilities, expectations, the delicate balance and fine line between finding and being true to ourselves vs fulfilling our obligations and responsibilities as productive members of society/community/family, etc. So many great insights that came up. I really loved having this opportunity to write and exchange posts like this.
Greg I enjoyed reading your post. I think the exploration is always happening which makes so fun and exciting. I never get tired of the discovery. I think at times we do not know our deepest, truest self because we are afraid of what that might look like, we are insecure, and we have suppressed it so much we don’t where to start looking. BUT when we find it, then we can truly start living. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Luke.
I agree. As I have become accustomed to exploring, I have come to appreciate the rewards of exploration and discovery.
It can be easy for people to be intimidated or afraid to begin. We hold onto what we think is secure and safe; it can take real struggle to open up and start living.
Many people need help and supportive guidance to begin and continue getting to know themselves.
Greg~
I like how you emphasize this discovery about life not being a competition or contest. It’s such an easy one to fall into, given all the messages from our conditioning. To fight through that thicket is a major accomplishment. This is a beautiful post, and I love the fact that you and Samantha have shared in it together!
All the best
Dan
Thank you, Dan!
I think our society places a very high value on competing and winning. We believe that competition is how we find the truth.
It takes a great deal of growth and strength to learn to be able to let go.
It is a pleasure to share this with Samantha.
Dear Greg,
How would you know whether you are competing or you are just doing what you were meant to do i.e. your call?
How can one let behind other people expectations when they are looking so high at you and depend on you because they could not do what you are doing and expect you to achieve this? or simply their happiness depend on what you are doing.
For some people, it’s preferable to get burned out by making other people happy rather than to live & die happy and leaving people around unhappy! It’s self sacrifice for the people you love.
It is very difficult to let go Greg when you have people dependent on you!
Great post, as usual !
Hoda
Thank you, Hoda.
It is a challenge, especially when helping people and working for the community are personal core values.
I do not see the choice as an either-or decision. Learning to lead myself has been a process of coming to know who I truly am, independent of expectations. I have not let go of everything that might help someone; the key for me is recognizing what feeds me and what expectations are unhealthy.
I have come to appreciate that some of the things I do will make people unhappy, and that I cannot control how they respond to me. My own balance has become clearer as I have found a deeper understanding of my responsibilities.
Thank you, Samantha.
It is a very significant honor to be the first person you have invited to post on your blog.
Yes, there are still days when I long to feel the control I felt by trying to be perfect, trying to meet all those responsibilities.
My own journey shows me in very clear ways that the expectations that are most powerful for me are my own. It is true that I had help constructing them, but they are very personal to me.
As I learn and grow, as I continue on this journey, and as I develop my practice as the Strategic Monk, I struggle with the balance that includes both the active and the contemplative. Some days are more comfortable than others, and I am not certain that I will ever find the final answer.
I am coming to value questions more than answers.
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